It is never too late to make a bad decision. At 82 and 76 Harry and Louise decided to make a sex tape. Technology had, in fact, advanced beyond tape, and beyond Harry’s comprehension. Harry had argued for a sex tape back in the days of VCR, when Louise’s body and sexual skills seemed to cry out for documentation, but back then, even after seven years of marriage, she did not trust him with naked pictures of herself. It would be something just for the two of us, Harry tried to persuade her. No means no, she said, and the notion evaporated.
When Harry made the discovery that his new iPhone could take videos as well as still pictures, he reignited the request, and since his phone was locked with a password that only she could remember, Louise thought, what the hell? How much could you see on that tiny screen anyway?
Harry, as director, decided it should be shot poolside, where the light would be better and the theme might be Summer Frolics. Harry made a further discovery: the video had sound. He was delighted.
As on a real movie set, more time was required to set up the camera than to shoot the scene. Harry had to brace his iPhone with the box it came in and a box of Bran flakes, fixing it on a tilt with a strip of scotch tape. As he worked on these maneuvers, he said, “Remember, we have sound, so you should make a little noise, some groaning and stuff, and I’ll talk dirty.”
It turned out to be a one-act play in five scenes, with a running time of seventy-two seconds. Scene One: Louise fluffs what looks like an awakening erection and Harry guides her to the elbows and knees position. Scene Two: Our protagonist is close to success. “Oh, yes, baby! You like that? You want more of that?” Scene Three: The reversal.“You’re not in yet.” Scene Four: The catastrophe. Louise’s knee slides and hits the hard edge of the chaise. “That’s my new one!” she cries. “That’s forty-thousand dollars!” Scene Five: The resolution. Harry wants her to get on her back, legs up. She rolls over and takes his flaccid member in her hand and looks up at him, raising her eye brows. And, scene…
They watched it together, feet dangling in the pool. Each had notes.
“The wind must have jiggled the camera,” said the director.
“Skinny legs and sagging asses,” said the star, who threw the iPhone into the water. Harry, without comment, watched it sink to the bottom like a penny thrown into a wishing well.